if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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