Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Boobs are out for the taking
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
