some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
