Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
