I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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