so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
