yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
