woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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