Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
