I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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