Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
