Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
