if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
