i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
