just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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