and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
