Those balls look pretty dangerous.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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