I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize