my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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