its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
