I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
