Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
