Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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