I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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