she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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