Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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