ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
