I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
