After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
