Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
