Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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