Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
