I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
