It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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