ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
