Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
