Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
