KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
