I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
