she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
