there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He keeps bees of course he's weird
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
