Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hippo gnu deer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
