even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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