there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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