I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
