I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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