The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
