All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
