By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
