Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
