I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
