you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
