Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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