I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
