I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
