Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize