he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
do nipples grow back?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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