Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
