Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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