i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
