And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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