How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
