Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
