you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
