I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
